cheatsheet for life ✍️

You are unique 🫶

Believe in yourself

We have all got a little bit of ‘save the world’ in us. It’s ok if you only save one person, and it’s ok if that person is you.

Leave every place/relationship (even family) that doesn’t value you. Love yourself. Believe in yourself.

“Be gentle with yourself; show yourself the same kindness and patience you might show a young child - the child you once were. If you won’t be your own friend, who will be?
If, when playing an opponent, you are also opposing yourself, you will be outnumbered.”

Speak up

You are the biggest spokesperson for yourself.

1. Your opinion matters. Your opinions are different and you need to embrace them.
2. If you don’t say what you want, if you don’t fight for yourself, who else will. You miss out on 100% of things if you don't ask for things/ put forth your opinions. Speaking up brings that probability to 50-50.

How to speak up?

Keep shit-posting your thesis.

No Glory No Story

If there is no moment of glory for you, don’t be in it. Extension of this, don’t say things that negate your value. You are also the biggest cheerleader of yourself.

• If you are not sorry don’t say it. Don’t demoralise yourself.
• Don’t tell stories in which either you are losing or you can be made fun of. Accept it yourself but tell others about it when asked. Avoid negative marketing if you can.

You are beautiful

If you think you are not perfect, then who is? None.

अधूरेपन में जो मिठास है वो पूरे होने में नहीं है |
आसमान की बुलंदियों को हमसब ताकते हैं, लेकिन मन्नत तो टूटे हुए तारों से ही मांगते हैं |

Everything about you that you think is “weird” is actually your biggest strength because it makes you different in a sea of people. It makes you, YOU.

Body is Armor of your existence

You should start to look at your body as something that literally protects your life and existence rather than something that is here to marvel at.

• Your body works so hard that it can pump blood, breathe oxygen, walk, run, jump, digest and feel all without you having to really think too hard about it. Outward appearance is nothing compared to physical health and inner beauty.
• Sure, being attractive is fun but that is dependent on what current trend is in fashion and there’s no way we can all keep up with it.

Never chase

Never chase. If you keep chasing you’ll never attract, don’t try.

• When you love yourself and when you be thankful to your well being, quality people get attracted to you and so does money and opportunities in your life.
• Don’t show off -> The basic necessity of showing off is to be wanted, to feel that our existence matters.
  • When I say “don’t show off” it doesn’t mean you don’t show your skills.
  • For every performance there is a stage. Know your stage.

Live 🏂

Why so serious?

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present." – Master Oogway

Everybody knows that they should live in present, but does everybody live?
We live in present when we enjoy doing stuff we love. And we don’t when things don’t work out our way.

What you were doesn’t matter, What you are does.
What happened doesn’t matter, What is happening does.

• Smile, be happy, nothing is permanent, let go.
  • See happiness.
  • Ultimately your willingness to let go of the person you used to be, creates a space for the person you strive to be.
• Stop weighing yourself against how you think your life is “supposed” to go and just live it in the way that makes you happy. Life is an adventure not a tick box exercise.
  • Let go of yourself, the “I” part. You are your experiences and the things you did. Not what your thought you could do or could have done.
  • Be satisfied, being ambitious is okay but be satisfied. You can’t become the best at everything.
  • ये दुनिया जो है जादू का खिलौना है, मिल गया तो मिट्टी और खो गया तो सोना है |
    • See envy
• Role-play your life, add some salt or some spice, whatever you want, bring some magic to it.
  • “Act out being alive, like a play. And after a while, a long while, it will be true.” –East of Eden

Experience called Life

• It comes down to one single choice: "Get busy living or get busy dying"
  – The Shawshank Redemption
  • A measure for this - If you don’t have new stories to share, are you living? When your stories keep getting repetitive, its a sign your life is becoming dull.
• Take more risks. The fear of rejection is only temporary.
  • Never ever shy away from new activities/experiences, even if you know you will fail or embarrass yourself.
  • Only crazy stories make the cut.
  • A lot of times you fail due to things out of your control. And you have to learn to be okay with it.
    This doesn’t mean you need to stop introspection, but that when things go wrong it is not necessary that you or someone around you could have done something different to make it right.
• Keep the windows open, a sense of freedom comes from the cold breeze brushing your cheeks and flowing through your hair.
• See maturity.

Self Journey

Grow yourself

• Learn as many skills as possible.
• Workout, run, go to the gym - keep challenging your body.
• Socialise
  • Join all sorts of offline groups to socialise more.
  • Do activities that enable socialising - going out for lunch/dinner with colleagues, playing football together, trekking etc.
  • Surround yourself
• Read books,
  • it expands your mind, open up you to ideas and possibilities
  • it makes you capable to hold conversation about any topics with anybody
• Love, get your heart broken
  • “Your heart needs to break multiple times for it to open up.” – Rumi
• Growth has a network effect. You grow with your close ones, their growth will catalyse your growth. Find like minded people to grow.
  • This network effect also has high risk - high growth angle. Growth rate will be higher for a person who is nobody, but has high risk too.

Get perspectives

• “Everyone tells you what’s good for you. They don’t want you to find your own answers. They want you to believe theirs.” – Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior
  • People have their own journey. You can learn from them. You can use their wisdom to find your OWN path.
• आपके भगवान मरते रहना चाहिए

• जीवन में किसी भी point के कई अर्थ हो सकते हैं, बहुत जटिल अर्थ हो सकते हैं, लेकिन जो दृश्यमान (visible) है, जो निश्चित है, जो कोई भी इनकार नहीं कर सकता, वह लेकर चलो।
• Sometimes there are no right decisions to make; only choices you decide to live with.
• नजर को बदलो तो नजारे बदल जाते हैं,
  सोच को बदलो तो सितारे बदल जाते हैं,
  कश्तियाँ बदलने की जरूरत नहीं
  दिशा को बदलो किनारे खुद ब खुद बदल जाते हैं

Prioritise yourself

• Put your oxygen mask on first
  • Take care of yourself before others
  • No one in your life is there till the very end, it’s your personal journey. You are the driver and the passenger as well.
    So, drive forward, eyes on the road, windows open and foot on the pedal as well as the brakes!
  • वरणभात लोंचा कोन नाई कोंचा
• Respect yourself above others
  • Always keep yourself at the centre stage, not in sense where everything happens around you, but in sense where you give yourself more priority.
  • If you don’t respect yourself, no one will. If you let bad things happen to you, why would others care.
  • If you think of others getting uneasy or uncomfortable, comfort them, but not at the cost of your self-respect. Think of yourself getting uncomfortable.
  • Never ever let anyone disrespect you. Ever. In front of anyone.
• Someone’s expectation is not your responsibility. Any expectation is bound to lead to disappointment, today or tomorrow.
  • You don’t need to reply to every message/call you get. You need to set priorities and take care of those priorities.
  • If some unknown number gives miss call, don’t call back. If he/she got some important work he/she will call back.
  • The silence in the conversation or boring response from the other end of the conversation is not your fault. Don’t hold yourself responsible for having a fantastic conversation.

Be the driver

• Lead your life, lead your relations, don’t be a passive person. Laid back attitude won’t get you anywhere.

• Speak up
• Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery.
  • You have to get to a point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life.
  • Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence.

What’s your destination

• “Alice came to a fork in the road.
  ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked.
  ‘Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire Cat.
  ‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered.
  ‘Then,’ said the Cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.” – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland."

• A person who doesn't know what he wants (goals), is at the mercy of his emotions. Emotions can make you do stupid and insane things that make you cringe later.

  • अपने उद्देश्य से ज्यादा महत्वपूर्ण जीवन में कुछ नहीं होना चाहिए, बस अपना काम करने की आदत होनी चाहिए और जीवन में कोई भी व्यक्ति आए उसके लिए अपना काम न करना अच्छी बात नहीं होनी चाहिए

• हर बार चलती ट्रैन में नहीं चढ़ना होता हे

  • Not all opportunities coming along your way are worth taking

• I’m slowly learning that even if I react, it won’t change anything, it won’t make people suddenly love and respect me, it won’t magically change their minds. Sometimes it’s better to just let things be, let people go, don’t fight for closure, don’t ask for explanations, don’t chase answers and don’t expect people to understand where you’re coming from. I’m slowly learning that life is better lived when you don’t centre it on what’s happening around you and centre it on what’s happening inside you instead. Work on yourself and your inner peace

• “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. " – Lance Armstrong

• “Unless someone truly has the power to say no, they never truly have the power to say yes”

• “ठंडा दिमाग, मीठी जुबां और नरम दिल - ये तीन चीज़ें अगर कर ली इंसान ने तोह पार”

• If it costs you your peace, its too expensive.

Respond, don’t react

• You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

  Why did you spill the coffee?

  “Because someone bumped into me!!!”

  Wrong answer.

  You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.

  Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

  Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.

  Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it until you get rattled.

  So we have to ask ourselves…“what’s in my cup?”

  When life gets tough, what spills over?

  Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?

  Anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?

  Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.

  Today let’s work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation; & kindness, gentleness and love for others.

Retrospect

• Whenever a habit/addiction is being formed, think hard about its impact. Genius is to know when to stop.
  • Neuroplasticity is a dynamic process that happens constantly with each decision.
    • Every time you check you instagram while trying to study, you are re-enforcing the habit to keep doing it.
    • Every time you focus your entire attention on one single activity at a time, you are making your homing your concentration and dedication.
    • Every time you give in to temptation and at the marshmallow, you are teaching yourself that its okay to break.
• Be self aware
  • Know why you did what you did, why you are doing what you are doing. Be self aware, be conscious.
  • Keep your life, your thoughts, your decisions uncluttered. Know your steps.
• Be real to yourself, don’t lie
  • You have to hide certain information at times for public eyes

Presenting Yourself

Think and Speak

• “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself: Is it true; is it kind, or is it necessary?” – Socrates?
• Before you speak, be clear, know what you want to speak.
  • Don’t go out of context.
  • Don’t repeat yourself

Talking Thesis

• Talk about your thesis, your ideas, your problems
• Before any conversation starts, or you call somebody be prepared about what you want to talk about - thesis (which thesis).
• Find a person with whom you can share, on whom you can run your ideas, figure out.

Ethics

• Be punctual. Always be on time you commit. Be a man of your words. You are watching yourself every minute, every second, make it count.
• Stop abusing. Kids abuse, adults act.
• Always preach what you have practised
  • Don’t be “आज सीखा, कल चीखा”
• Never ask for something you wouldn’t do.
• Share praise, own failure.
• “We have only one story. All novels, all poetry, are built on the never ending contest in ourselves of good and evil. And it occurs to me that evil must constantly respawn, while good, while virtue, is immortal. Vice has always a new fresh young face, while virtue is venerable as nothing else in the world is.” ― John Steinbeck, East of Eden
• “Some people are just nor human, the rest of us, we take a lifetime to get there”

Work

Do. Sleep. Repeat.

Making Progress 🚀

• Hack to making progress and building habits: Never miss anything twice in a row.
• Don’t practice perfection, practice progress
  • Be practical. What am I doing right now will help me reach my goal?
    • What can you achieve today?
    • What is the current situation? How can you make this situation better?
  • “If babies held the same tendency toward self-criticism as adults, they might never learn to walk or talk. Can you imagine infants stomping, ‘Aarggh! Screwed up again!’
    Fortunately, babies are free of self-criticism. They just keep practicing.”
    • “A real sign of progress is when we no longer punish ourselves for our imperfections.” – Yung Pueblo
• “A dream written down with a date becomes a goal. A goal broken down into steps becomes a plan. A plan backed by action makes your dreams a reality " – Greg Reid
• “Impatience with actions, patience with results.” – Naval
  • Obsessions without attachments
• We all have single processor, an efficient multitasker is one with an efficient prioritising algorithm.
  • Always have less number of screen when you are working.
• Procrastination: If it will take 10min to do it, do it now. Don’t say what you gonna do, do it.
• I believe in 2 super powers: Hardwork, Destiny. One you control, other controls you. People say ‘yeah he got lucky there’. ‘Luck’ is a pretty nasty word, it sucks all the credit, all the hardwork that went into the work. I say any achievement is an amalgamation of destiny and hardwork.
• Say-Do Ratio
• Measure and analyse actions, no imaginations. Actions are facts. Plan, goal, imagination, and everything else is fiction. Conclude basis your actions.

Work-Life Balance

• Work will never love you back. I’m not saying quit and find a new career, but invest less of your self-esteem in it, because it means nothing and none of the success in it is based on merit.
• Career is 30-40 years long, small mistakes are fine, people going ahead of you is also fine, only point is you don’t self destruct. You are never your own obstacle; no matter what you do, you won’t hinder your own progress.

Office Office 👔

See Corporate Culture.

People

The advices here might seem opposite - some might say reach out to people, some might say maintain boundaries. It all depends on the phase in your life, you need to find your own balance and this process is Life.

It’s much easier to make friends by becoming interested in other people than by trying to get other people interested in you.

Folks

Nobody is your friend

• Only few people really care, rest are just curious

  • *rest just check upon you to see if they are doing any better than you and feel good about themselves.
  • “People work together when it suits them.
    They’re loyal when it suits them.
    Love each other when it suits them.
    And they kill each other when it suits them.” – Game of Thrones
  • Most of your friends will be temporary and that’s ok. Not every friendship needs to be “I’ll love you till the end.” Some of them only last a months and that’s an upright reality.

• Is the person any important to you?

  • How many fucks you have to give a fuck?
    • Limited fucks to give
    • Don’t worry about things that don’t matter.
  • Don’t give unnecessary importance to people who don’t respond in same.
  • If you don’t want someone in your life, or you don’t want to give them importance, don’t give them your time, don’t think/talk about them.

• See Prioritising yourself.

Interact within limits

• Being a good person doesn’t mean you have to share your every secret (even if the secret is related with the ongoing conversation/discussion).
  • Any information which is meant to stay among very few people, should stay that way. Trust people with the information only if they are directly involved with the agenda.
    • If you are thinking that they are not involved, and hence you can share it with them and get some opinion on the matter. Don’t do it. This decision will bite you back.
  • Don’t share all the information you have, share minimum information (required to share - no extra information).
    • Also sometimes they need not to hear the truth, truth (or the observation/analysis) is just for you to understand more about yourself.
  • Never share your story (sad stories, personal thoughts) with anyone or everyone, not everyone is your friend.
• “Not bitching/gossiping about others” will add more to your character.
• Don’t tell others how you operate
  • Don’t explain yourself. Don’t give reasons to anyone but be clear of what you doing and why you doing it. You don’t explain yourself to shit, you explain yourself to you.
  • Don’t tell how you behave, how you function to others, let them figure it out. People take advantage of the facts. For example, if someone knows that you have anger issues, they can push you into such a situation (not intentionally, see intent vs impact), or even blame you for some argument where you were not even at fault. Basically it creates a bias, and since it is accepted by you it becomes a strong one. And biases are not good to have with emotional people.
• Never admit your faults in front of others.
  • Even if you are guilty don’t acknowledge it to others, understand and admit it to yourself.
  • Carefully judge before admitting it before others, maybe if they also acknowledge errors on their part then do it. If you do it alone, you will alone be blamed for the drama.
  • Understand, most people are insecure and close-minded, they play the “pulling down” game and you have given them a weapon.

Conflicts

• See Conflict Resolution.

Care about people

• “Be curious, not judgemental” – Ted Lasso
  • Being judgemental is being rejectful of what you can’t understand, don’t be rejectful.
    • Judgement also comes from one’s need to sound an important person (insecurity<>ego in disguise)
  • Be empathetic, you don’t know how is the day going for the other person
  • “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
• Celebrate other’s wins (don’t celebrate their efforts - appreciate them but celebrate only wins)
  • Never fail to appreciate a person who deserves it.
    • Everybody likes to hear praises, even if you don’t believe it, try to be as genuine as possible.
  • They should face consequences of their bad actions, see intention-vs-action.
• Genuinely care about them
  • You ask people where they are from, how are they doing and they choose to tell you their important details and you forget
    • It gives the feeling you are a taker, a user. You giving attention because you want something from them
    • Eventually their likeness towards you will turn into dislike

Help

• Constantly ask, “How can I help”
  • See networking.
• Help those in need.
  • Knowledge becomes helpful only when the person is seeking for one. Do not unsettle the minds of the ignorant.

• To help people, understand where they are coming from, what is the source of their problem. Most of the time they don’t know the cause, they just know the symptoms. They don’t want you to tell what is the ideal way to do things. They just want you to help them get going.
  • If you try to give him the ideal/generic solution, the other person won’t feel comfortable with you, and in future he/she will talk in objectivity (with limited words), or often will try to avoid you.

• See Prioritising yourself.
• When life gets boring, helping other people is the best cure for it.

Family and Friends

• You can be replaced at work but not at home. So make sure you take time off from work no matter how much you love it.
• See Friendship.

Relationships

• Never judge your relationship in the honeymoon phase

• Don’t allow people to climb over you. Tell them they are free to choose, and same applies for you.

• Learn from people around you, everybody has a story to tell. Everyone has learnings/philosophy of their own.

Ending Thoughts